Those of you that know me well, know that I lean to toward the stubborn side. If you don't know me well, you may have gotten that indication if you've read my first blog. HOWEVER, I'm learning to let go of the stubborn - it's a slooooow process. Also, if you know me well, you know that I'm new to having a steady relationship with God. You knew where I was for a long time. I have since come to realize that in the past several years there have been way too many occurences where God was at work, instead of chalking it all up to "coincidence" as I once did. So add stubborn nature to being a "new" Christian, and you get a little confusion. Well, I do, anyway.
Without going into drama and speculation, I'll just say I've had a very difficult and challenging few weeks lately. It got me down to the point where I didn't want to go anywhere or do anything - including going to church. Seems like if one thing REALLY gets you down, it can poison everything else, as well. I told my husband a few weekends ago that I simply did not want to go to church. He said, trying to be the supportive husband that he always is, "Well, just take a breather this week. If you're not in the mind set to go, you probably don't need to be there." I told him that I knew that's when I need to be there the most, and he agreed, but he didn't push. So even though I KNEW I needed to be there, I excused myself with weak justifications...I'd been so sick for the past several days. AND I had a very close friend in for the weekend from Massachusetts that I hardly ever get to see. And...and..you know, I've been sick!!
Needless to say, things seemed to get even WORSE the next week. I pointed out to Russ that this was my wake up call for not going to church. I was halfway joking when I started to say it, but as the words came out of my mouth I realized how simply true that statement could be. Not saying everything was miserable for me as His payback, but it woke me up to draw me back to Him. So, we went to church Sunday and Craig delivered the Prince of Peace message. AAAHHHH that's JUST what I needed. It moved me to tears several times and it was almost like I could feel His finger poke me in the forehead to say "DUH!" and then wrap his arms around me.
That feeling, Craig's message, and the fact that we had lunch at Ted's with a tremendous couple and one adorable little fella afterwords, made for an uplifting day that has carried me through the rest of this week. It put me back to reading His word every night. (Okay - so I fell asleep in the chair at 8:00 last night) It's incredible to me how you can just open up the Bible to a random (so you think!) section and the words speak directly to you. Although THINGS aren't necessarily better in my situation, I am better - through reading His words, prayer, and keeping Him close to my heart and in my thoughts.
All of this may seem a bit random without details, but my question is this: How do you know when to stand up for yourself, or just sit back and let God do His work? What if His work IS me standing up for myself? How do I interpret the thoughts and feelings I have about this - are they my own, or is it Him speaking to me? I'm very torn about that. Part of me says to make the people aware that I am aware of what is going on, another part of me says to just grin and bear it. I know either way that God is going to take care of me and put me where He needs me to be, but I keep hearing that phrase "God helps those who help themselves."
What are your thoughts?
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